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The Good, the Bad, the Intolerable and the Inevitable.

As previously reported, I’ve accepted the NaNoWriMo Challenge.  This means I have to write an entire book in no more than 30 days.  The 30 days in which this will occur are, unlike so many things in life, actually set in stone.  (Okay, not stone, not literally.)  I cannot begin the book until November 1st and I must submit it no later than November 30 at midnight.

The minimalist nature of the challenge was one of the attractions for me.  As faithful readers will know, Miss Antipodes has a big problem with Authority and dislikes limits and rules, etc etc.  Faithful readers are also very well aware of Miss Antipodes’ intermittent bouts of anxiety.  And, I hasten to add, the relish with which she savors irony.  Therefore, FRs will appreciate the fix in which our heroine finds herself atm…..

*****

I haven’t read the Terms and Conditions of the Challenge I entered about 30 minutes ago.  (That’s not the thing that bothers me … )  I will have to upload my book to the Challenge’s website if I am to get certified as having successfully met the terms and conditions of the Challenge.  (Okay, that’s also not what’s bothering me …  just hold on … I’m getting to it!   Jeez….)  I’m now wondering what kinds of safeguards the Organizers have put in place to prevent writers’ books from thieves.  After all, my book is destined for greatness, right?  It’s gonna be so thoroughly awesome, to amazingly uber, that it’ll be worth a fortune!  Wait, wait… it’s gonna change the world!!!  But I have to think of everything … what if someone tries to steal The Precious?!

What to do?  What to do?

/paces back and forth.

/kills and eats raw fish.

Okay, no problem.  I’ll just go to the website, right?  That question must have been A&A (asked and answered) prior to my arrival.   That would be the efficient resolution to the dilemma.   So, let’s go ahead, let’s  accept this idea as fact.  I’ll go to the website.  But hold on ….this would require me to read the T&C.  How can someone such as myself possibly stand to do this dreary chore?

/preens.

Okay.  It’s not the ‘dreary chore’ aspect that’s the barrier. It’s the certain knowledge that, if I read those T&C, I will find something intolerable.  I will, based on the oft-cited First Principle of Intolerability, be unable to complete the Challenge, of which, as we all know, I really really really want to partake.

Yes, yes.  I know … I am eventually going to come face-to-face with the very Intolerables from which I flee.  Pretending the Intolerables are not there does not alter their existance, nor does such pretending diminish the actual disappointment I will experience when ultimately confronted by them.

/eyes fill with tears.

I know this disappointment is inevitable.   It happens every time, of course, for the simple reason that it is inevitable and ‘inevitable’ means it is indeed ‘inevitable’.

/chokes on self-pity.

Omg.  The Inevitable has now joined with the Intolerable.  The Horde has defeated the Alliance.  Frodo has lost the Ring.  The Ruby Slippers are on the feet of the Wicked Witch.  Fonzie has well and truly jumped the shark.

You know what this means, right kids?

It means I’m going to stop my winge-ing and go read those goddamned T&C.

Brb.

*****

K.  Back.

Ya know, it wasn’t so bad afterall.  They’ve got a fix for the whole book-theft thing;  participants upload an encrypted version of their books.  I imagine my upload will be something like the Daily Jumble in the Comics section of the newspaper.   Note to self:  build in some extra time to render my finished book as a Jumble.

So where were we?  Oh, yeah.  The Challenge.  I’m in it.  Officially.  I’ve even gone so far as to read the T&C.  And I can highly recommend them, btw.  Two thumbs up.  You oughta check ’em out.   Spellbinding stuff, I tell you what.  Here’s the link.  Enjoy.

/long pause.

Okay, that’s gotta be 1,700 words, right?  Omg, writing that much every day is gonna be an absolute b!#@h.

What?  That wasn’t actually 1,700 words?  Well, how many was it?  539?  539?!   Are you f&*king kidding me?!  How am I supposed to write a 50,000 word book if it’s gonna take that long to write a lousy 539 words?! 

This is so totally unfair.

/long pause.

Okay, okay.  Now how many words?

 

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